return my video game
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
