Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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