We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
