You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
