i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
