It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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