we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
