Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
