no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the condom got lost in my hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
