The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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