He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
