She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
