Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
