I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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