You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
