take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
40s are totally the cure
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
