I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your cock deserves a montage
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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