We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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