Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
