____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
