OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
