He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
