I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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