so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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