I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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