I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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