Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
