you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
