carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it hurts more in the daytime
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
