the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
