Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
