if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
