I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
