I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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