a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
