just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
