Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
