he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
