i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The air was thick with penises
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
