I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
