So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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