so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
