____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to cum in my sink.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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