If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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