you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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