Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
