I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
