apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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