you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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