Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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